This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
