I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
