did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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