my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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