...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
