Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize