Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
