It's like a parade of train wrecks.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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