No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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