STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
