If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
