I want to have your abortion
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize