Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Actions speak louder than pants.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
