1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
