The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
