Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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