So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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