If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
