I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
