the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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