The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
