shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
