Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
