....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
