I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
