so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize