When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
