Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
