Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
