Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
