and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
