you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize