i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
