stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
