Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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