lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
