he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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