Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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