He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
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