Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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