I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
