i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Still dying that you shit outside
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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