Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
