i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
