The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
