I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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