just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
