I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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