someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
