..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
