Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
