do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
