if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
How external is "for external use only"?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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