First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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