So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
