peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize