This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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