8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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