Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
