Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
