I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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