The maid of honor just puked.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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