just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
