we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Betty ford says i'm here all night
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize