News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
you inspire me to be a worse person
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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