After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
