Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
