That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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