any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
