we made out on top of his cat.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
